The RRN Network

RRN International - 19th of January

2006-01-19T17:49:00.000+10:00

In international news RRN Network President and CEO Reece has just signed a major contract for a RRN subsidiary. "Simply Reece is just that, simply Reece. No news casts, no sitcoms, no medical documentaries, it's simply Reece. It's an informal counter part to our network." Reece goes on to state that "News formats aren't for everyone. We will continue to sponsor and support RRN but it is important to think of like a portal unto the world of Reece. In your daily routine you should first visit www.simplyreece.blogspot.com and then when you get your daily fill of Reece return to RRN throughout the day for The RRN Network's latest season of shows and entertainment."

Any one interested in viewing simply Reece can find a link to it on the RRN Network Website sidebar or follow the above link. In other news Reece has signed a deal with Google to allow him to advertise their wares and include a Google Search bar. Reece had this to say earlier at a press conference "This way Google has allowed Reece to corner the market in news and events, and aided us in spreading Reece to the world. We would in fact make a darn fine home page..."

That's the world as it stands on this day in Reece Related News.

RRN Network - Not Just A Form Of Product Placement...anymore...

URGENT UPDATE

2006-01-16T18:09:00.000+10:00

This just in: Reece realises limits to all news network. CEO of The RRN Network Reece Schofield said earlier today "The idea got old and that was only after two days. As such we've decided to keep the name and format but introduce all new shows. We'll have a format rivalling any other television network, only we'll be exclusively Reece related." The RRN Network is poised to majority control of Reece related events ranging from Talk Shows, News programs, Documentaries, DIY shows and even sitcoms. RRN has reportedly been working on several sitcom pilots including 'Everybody Loves Reece', 'Two and a Half Reece', 'The Schofields' and 'Desperate Reece'. Also in the pipeline are dramas such as 'Home and A Reece', 'Reece' and 'R.C'.
Several documentaries have been produced, 'The Life and Times of Reece', 'Reece We Hardly Knew Ye' and 'The Reece Report'. Company CEO Reece has also signed several movie deals including 'Reece the Pooh', The passions of Reece' and 'Reece City'. When asked to comment on the upcoming season, Reece reportedly annoucned it to be "Reece packed".

The RRN Network - The Worlds Number ONE Source of Reece Related News.

RRN Feedback

2006-01-16T17:44:00.000+10:00

We briefly interrupt your Reece Related News feed to answer some viewer feedback about our fine News network. Stay tuned for Reece on Reece action, as CEO of The RRN Network, Reece Schofield reads from the mailbag.

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Dear Reece,

Long time reader, first time mailer. I am just in love with your blog. I can't believe all my favourite news subjects have a place to call home. How do you continue to find such informative and interesting subjects to report on?

Love H. Morton

Dear Morton,

While I value your readership I struggle to define reading all my 4 posts thus far, a long time reader. Unless of course you took a long time to read them, which is understandable. Thank you greatly for supporting my blog. Perhaps you could show your love by leaving a comment or referring the blog to some friends. I'll let your lack of devotion slide this time, but only because you're a fictional character.

In reference to your question; I find many of the news topics occurring in my own life, in the lives of loved ones who don't read the blog plus I make a lot of stuff up.

~Reece

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Reece,

Did you know Panda Syndrome is a real condition in which people don't want to have sex. it seemed like a lot of work to research more about the syndrome but yeah just thought you should know.

From Simon

Dear Simon,

Ta.

~Reece

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To Reece,

HAVE MY BABY!

Hugs and Kisses,

Bust E. McGee.

Ms McGee,

I am a male. I think what you meant to say was 'REECE, I'M PREGNANT!' Get out of my sight you disease ridden yet oddly arousing scum.

~Reece

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To Reece,

Did you know that there is no such gland as the annoyance gland. It is entirely fictional. Just thought you should know. Please check your sources more thoroughly in the future.

From Mellisa

Mellisa,

Yes it is entirely fictional, but so are you so I won't take it too much to heart. Sidenote: have you met Simon?

~Reece

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That's all from the RRN mailbag for today. Please keep in mind that Reece will also accept real mail. Send any mail to rrn_network@hotmail.com.

RRN Network - What else is there to talk about?

A RRN Public Service Announcement

2006-01-15T18:03:00.000+10:00

A RRN Public Service Announcement

"When Good Tunes Go Bad."

Hello again, I'm Reece Schofield and I'm here to talk about when good tunes go bad. We've all had them, a new song, an old favourite, a sitcom theme tune; all fun to begin with. But when the music stops and the sitcom long over, sometimes, the tune remains. That's why RRN is proud to present to you 'When Good Tunes Go Bad - A Medical Story'

'Reece sits on the couch, nothing can be heard over the crunching of his Kettle chips. Nothing can pierce the noise of the heavily baked chips...except the tune Greensleeves. Faintly at first, a few streets away but gradually it grows closer. It is coming from a local ice cream van, it rolls past Reece's house and then disappears back into the distance. Reece appears unaffected by the tune, but in the deafening silence that ensues, Reece mind starts to play tricks on him...'

0 - 1 Hours: Sound waves are vibrations that originate from a source, becoming fainter more spread out the further they travel away from this source. The sound waves from the ice cream truck reach Reece's ears and penetrate them. His brain registers the sound as new stimuli and subconsciously he begins to reminisce and associate the stimuli with memories. Reece, with no new stimuli entering his brain begins to remember the tune and hums it to himself. It is too late for Reece to prevent a good tune going bad now. All he can do now is wait and hope. The first hour is the most critical for Reece, but his brain has already memorised the tune.

'Reece hums Greensleeves happily to himself, not even realising that this is happening. His brain activity is spiked as his thinking power is consumed by the tune. He goes to the fridge and opens it to retrieve some chocolate. Suddenly he is struck with the urge for ice cream. Although still humming he can not work out this overwhelming desire for frozen treats. His brain activity spikes again, like an addict searching for a fix. He must have ice cream but can not find it. Reece is in a state of panic and rushes to his room so that he may dress himself and search for ice cream. Grabbing his car keys Reece speeds away from his house...'

1 - 2 Hours: For a subject affected by a tune there are only three courses of action. Reece must either replace the tune with one of equal annoyance, sleep off the bad tune or seek out and satisfy the source of the tune. What Reece does in this next hour will vastly affect the outcome of the tune. By driving off in search of the tunes singularity Reece has already ruled out sleeping off the tune. Annoyance glands, located at the base of his neck begin to pump out a natural toxin known as Di-Strythomen, which adds the brain in panic. The Di-Strythomen will shortly prevent Reece from thinking clearly, he must either replace the tune or obtain some ice cream. In either case he must hurry.

'Reece discovers that McDonald's has a broken ice cream machine and Hungry Jacks is little better. Cold Rock is his one chance for sweet, sweet ice cream and decides to take it. It is 4pm on a summer Sunday afternoon, and it has been 3 hours since the tune penetrated his brain. He must act fast if he is to make to Cold Rock before closing time...'

3 - 5 Hours: The Di-Strythomen begins to shut down normal brain activity. Reece exhibits behaviour similar to those experienced by junkies on a high. His response to pain is minimal, he does not tire and is losing his ability to reason. He is almost consumed by the tunes annoyance. Long after the ice cream man has retired to his humble abode Reece struggles in the night with his own body, fighting against the tune.

'It's 10pm, Cold Rock is closed and Reece is at a loss. He is driving in vain to find an ice creamery that is open. He begins to get drowsy and pulls over in a car park by the beach. In the morning young ice cream rich children will be running around licking and biting their treats. A small fish and chip shops advertises their delicacies in the window. Reece turns ff his car and settles in for the long wait for the morning...'

6 - 18 Hours: The Di-Strythomen subsides and his brain relaxes, his body now tires easily and Reece must hibernate to recoup some of the energy lost to his annoyance glands. While he sleeps Reece's body functions begin to shut down, he feels no hunger and his heart beats 1.5 times faster than usual. He is asleep at last, but it may be too late for sleep to cure his bad tunes.

'Reece awakes. The sleep did nothing to alleviate his lust for ice cream. Product placement has now been burnt into his mind. Greensleeves, running so very, very clearly through his head, makes ice blocks an impossibility. He hops out of his car and sits on a park bench waiting for a child to wander across his path. He will swoop down on it, biting its hand and disabling its grip. One the child has lost the ability to hold the ice cream Reece will consume it. At last, his prey arrives. A small child about 9 years old. He is listening to a Walkman, Kiss, a classic band of good tunes. Reece is mesmerized. Forgetting about the ice cream he reminisces about the tune. he is now free of Greensleeves and horrors of the tune.'

18 - 24 Hours: Almost a day after hearing the initial tune Reece has managed to replace it. The new tune, is not quite as catchy and will subside naturally as new stimuli enters the brain. Reece's body chemistry will slowly return to normal in the hours to come. His ice cream lust subsides entirely. It was a close call for Reece but millions others, every week, aren't so lucky. Now you knw the facts, about When Good Tunes go Bad.

RRN Network - Not just an Excuse to Talk About Reece in Third Person.

RRN Rag - 16th January 2006

2006-01-15T16:51:00.000+10:00

The RRN Rag Update

Tonight on our program The RRN Rag take you behind the scenes, for all the hot Reece related gossip, events and tours. Reece goes shopping, reads your mail and gets the word on the street from the street about the new Coke Zero. But first, here's Reece with local entertainment news.

Disaster struck yesterday at 2pm at Westfield Shopping Centre Strathpine as Reece was trying to shop for a birthday present for long time friend, first time 18 year old, Casey. In a rush and bad at present buying, Reece needed ll the help he could get from the friendly customers and staff at Westfields, but instead he found Star Search. Star Search for those who don't know is where people give singing in front of a lot of people a go for some reason that Reece is not clear on, possibly to feed drug addictions. The majority, at least while Reece was there, were bad singers singing bad songs and badly. Reece often has to put up with bad music and signers because his taste in music matured in the 80's and 90's when it used to be good. "Yes I like the 80's and 90's style, mainly because it doesn't sound like crap. Too many bands sound like they're whining, too many touchy feely songs, not enough rock and too emotional. You wouldn't get a song about a Rock lobster these days I'll tell you that for sure."
Unfortunately though, the fact that most of these singers were under the age of 18 created a cuteness factor, based on the algorithm 'Something Good + Done Badly + By an Animal or Minor = Cute'. This effect also occurs when small animals in pet shops expel liquids and gooey solids onto your new shoes or other awkward places, which is found to be 'cute'. Reece had this to say "With the cuteness factor working against me walking through the shops turned into some kind of annoying tetras game. Fat people in rows of three would just stop walking, turn around to stare through me to see back to the stage, young women would stare (thus walking slowly) at the stage to see if the singer is skinnier than them and shop owners with nothing to do would just pop out into the aisles, like some kind of police target practice course."
Despite the set backs though Reece purchased his items and was away, but not as quickly as he would have liked.

Okay right now we have The Word On the Street From the Street with Reece.

Thanks Reece today I'm chatting about the new Coke Zero. From what Reece has gathered it is diet Coke that is supposed to taste like normal Coke. The upside of this new tasty beverage is that it comes in a black wrapper which looks quite stylish compelling Reece to drink some. Since that day of the first taste test Reece has seen it pop up in Kat's fridge, Donut King, Wendy's and even the local swimming pool. So let's see what the word on the street is about new Coke Zero.

Karl Karlson: "I personally have nothing against it. It tastes like Coke and looks like Coke. SO I would say that this drink, is definitely Coke."

Mellisa Vox: "I heard that once you go black you never go back. Also black rappers are hot. So I'll be buying Coke Zero, for sure. Even if it is just to be seen. Do you want to have sex?"

Peter Kliff: "I'm damn opposed, I'll tell you that much. The political situation in Tibet is way out of hand. I mean where do they get off honestly, I so damn opposed. I'm damn opposed. Damn, damn, damn opposed, I can tell you that. Very opposed. But the Coke was nice, thank you."

Well there you have it I think overall Coke Zero is well received and will spread like wild fire, possibly off the back of the cool black rapper fad. Out of ten, with one being the lowest, ten being the highest I rank Coke Zero as a 8...no a 9...no...yeah a 9.

Thank you Reece for that very informative look at the new Coke Zero. That's all we have time for this evening, we're running a little over time tonight. But that's the goss for this week. Bye bye.

Reece Related News Network - If you were a news network, we'd watch you.

2006-01-15T11:21:00.000+10:00

A RRN Public Service Announcement

"The Panda Syndrome"

Hello and welcome, this is a public service announcement brought to you by the RRN network. I'm Reece Schofield and I am here to talk to you about Panda Syndrome. Panda Syndrome, it's a name that's getting around a lot lately but what does it mean? Where does it come from? How can you treat it? How can you help a loved one with Panda Syndrome? We just asked a mouthful, let's take it one question at a time.

Panda Syndrome, simply put is a syndrome, where by the affected subject develops traits of a panda. Left unchecked a subject may continue to exhibit panda behaviour until they become, themselves, a panda. The syndrome stems from subjects exposed to the conditions of a common panda. For example, subjects that are couped up in offices, houses, automobiles or water tanks, take on behaviours exhibited panda kept in most run of the mill zoos. Such subjects don't feel like mating, eating, frolicking in grass lands or even posing for Japanese tourists. These same subjects tend to sleep for up to 8 hours a day, eat only about 3 meals a day and avoid lifting their heads more than is absolutely necessary. Subjects become tired after moderate to intense exercise, staying up late at night or feel ill after being transported for 36 hours across 3 continents and locked in an enclosure. Subjects also don't take kindly to being shot at.

However, symptoms such as these only describe the initial stages of the syndrome. Left untreated subjects can gain large amounts of weight, lose control of hair growth and personal grooming habits. When one starts to enjoy having your belly scratched there is little medical science can do for a subject, but several early warning procedures have been developed. To test yourself right now, in the comfort of your own home and FOR FREE read below:

1) Wait until the sun is clearly visible in the sky.
2) Go to a window and try to move your head, for those with advance Panda Syndrome this could be difficult and pre-movement stretching might be necessary.
3) Stare directly at the sun for 4 to 19 seconds.
4) If burning ensues see a medical profession.

If you possess the initial stages of Panda Syndrome you will see large black dots in front of you when you try to open your eyes and my experience permanent blindness. There are two schools of thought on curing Panda Syndrome 1) See a medical professional 2) Eat between 5 to 7 times your own body weight in bamboo daily.

The scientific community is divided on the best course of action but RRN suggests 2), as we can't see how it would hurt to give it a go. Before attempting any procedures found on this site though RRN directs you to speak to a family member for advice.

This was a public service announcement by RRN - The #1 Source of Reece Related News.

RRN Local - January 14th 2006

2006-01-14T17:53:00.000+10:00

Welcome to RRN Local. On tonight's program; Why Reece is so very, very Alert: The Miracles of Caffeine, Why Caffeine is So Necessary in Reece's Daily Lives, RRN owner Reece expands his network and all the other news sport, weather and Reece Related events throughout the week.

Riding in on the success of Reece Related News, slaying it's victims with a sword of curiosity, pillaging the villages of devoted readership and holding high its loot of product placement; the RRN network has expanded outside of the restrictive Microsoft Service Network. Earlier today Reece explained "No one really wants to read my blogs unless it is a RRN blog. The thought occurred to me that I can expand my 10 or so fans of RRN into at least 13 fans." Reece, the owner and topic of the RRN network has also unveiled plans to expand into other news outlets. "RRN is still in the same format that everyone knows and loves, what is different is that there will be no other blogs taking place in between, giving em time to focus on Reece and his news. In addition to this we are diversifying to RRN International, RRN Local, RRN National, RRN Rag which is a popular culture magazine format for people who are into that thing and RRN Journal, which is exactly the same as the other RRN publications only broadcast on SBS and spoken mainly in French." Reece hopes that soon the RRN network will become a mainstream media organization. Reece is reportedly advertising RRN through emails and other blog sites with a fair dose of spam thrown in for good measure. I'm Reece Schofield, reporting for RRN.

Thanks Reece, it's over now to Reece. He's out and about downtown experimenting with coffee.

Yes that's right, thank you Reece. It occurred to Reece, with University beginning in months to come, that he must prepare for the sleep deprivation that comes with studying. To do this Reece has experimented with various mood altering substances, the most successful of which being coffee. Unfortunately for Reece and a large number of the population that has taste buds, coffee in a cruel twist of fate is reported to taste like 'crap'. "Sure the buzz is nice, but at what cost? Are these the principles that we want to teach our children? That we should consume icky things just so we can live each day to the full? How can parents justify that, by saying it's healthy for them? It's sickening." While Reece agrees that coffee tastes like the excretions of many small mammals ground up and mixed with sewer water he has some suggestions about how to make it a little bit more bearable. "Well, sugar is important but it has it's limitations. McDonald's coffee with 7 bags of sugar still tastes like coffee, which is good if you have a taste for it but bad if like things that taste good. Gloria Jeans has a coffee known only as 'Very Vanilla Latte'. It comes with cream and sprinkles which when mixed in to the coffee eliminates the coffee tastes making a nice warm drink that tastes like cream, sprinkles and vanilla." While he is unsure if he will continue to drink coffee, he has been quoted as saying that Very Vanilla Lattes are 'okay'. Back to you in the studio, Reece.

In legal news, Reece is now a law student. His life long dream that he has had for over a year now, is finally coming true. "I thought about it and Law is the only thing I have any chance of ever being good at. So all the pieces fell into place." Although excited Reece is reportedly tired. "I took a week off after school finished to do what I like when I like. It's been three months now and I need a good lie down." Reece thanked family, friend and teacher for his success and in particular his girlfriend Kat, whom reportedly supported him through his last year, making sure all his work was done on time and trying to calm him down through his dreaded oral assessments. "I couldn't have done it without her, she's special. Definitely one in a million." Reece says that he is interested in criminal or commercial law, preferring "which ever one pays more."

To weather now, Reece is mostly hot and dry this morning with a stable body temperature of 37 degrees Celsius. Slight precipitation forming in the lower troughs of his arm pits, could expect a few showers onto his shirt later this afternoon. Outside it is reportedly sunny, I repeat sunny.

Finally tonight, Reece has The Word On Street From The Street:

"This week I'm out on the street for up and coming talent and producer Herbey and his range of Bah merchandise. Herbey announced during a small press conference at his home that 'There are bracelets, necklaces and earrings available for girls and guys, and printed T's are yet to go on the market.' One third of his stock is left in store, surely with more planned in the not too distant future. So come on down to http://spaces.msn.com/members/greenandorangeroom/Blog/cns!1pFhBTNkggTji1tcoKmYOj_Q!1044.entry and check out his latest range of clothing and accessories. Hurry while stocks last, I have a wonderful Bah T-shirt and Kat has her won pair of Bah earrings. Terrific styles, great quality, get in, get some merchandise, before it's too late. I'm Reece Schofield, telling you what to buy."

That's all from us here at RRN for this evening, stay safe on the roads. Goodnight.

"Reece Related News -Not Just an Excuse to Talk ABout Reece in Third Person."